Day 5: Healing.

God is a generous and LOVING God.

Joy.

Peace.

Comfort.

Love.

All of these have come despite my fear.

Despite my lack of faith.

Despite efforts to run.

The peace and joy amidst this painful situation...

the comfort that comes from a God who loves

me so much more than Jared could ever dream to...

it has arrived and I feel alive.

I pray for continued growth and patience.

I pray for a fire I can't contain.

I pray for a genuine desire to read the Word,

and in turn, to know my beautiful Father better,

which will help me to love Him more

and to better receive His love.

I pray for continued renewal of heart and soul.

I praise my God.

For the first time in half a year,

I praise the one who cares more for me

than I can possibly imagine.

And more than I can possibly express,

I am thankful.

I am able to praise God for this situation.

I am able to trust Him.

I am able to love Him.

The healing has definitely begun...

and I can't even begin to express my joy.

Today has been an exceptionally good day,

in comparison with the past few.

Not a single tear.

Thank You, God, for that.

And really, thank You for a lot of things.

Honestly...thank You for everything.
Even the painful stuff.

Thank you for:

1. Using me as a witness to my mom over the past 6 months,

despite my completely unGodly behavior.

2. Surrounding me with such amazing friends,

even when I wish they'd go away.

3. For blessing me with the means and ability to school,

even though I hate it so so much.

4. Laura Hackett.
Who sings of my heart condition in ways I could never express.

5. And Hannah for introducing me to Laura Hackett.

6. Giving me peace today.

7. Healing me enough that I can actually speak to You,
and thank You for everything.

8. Motivation to do my schoolwork, even though my heart aches.

9. For easing that ache today.

10. Jared. Everything about him.
He's the biggest blessing I've ever been bestowed with.
And he's strong. Because of You.

11. Thank You for this storm,
even though every ounce of me wishes it were over.
Like...now now.

12. For not giving up on me,
even though I give up on myself.

13. For Oakwood,
and tutoring,

and my babies.
Even when I want to slap them.

14. For the healing that I feel right this minute,
and the hope that comes along with that.

Thank You so so much for being faithful,
even when I scream at You that You're not.

Thank You for loving me, and holding me,
even when I'm accusing you of horrible negligence.

Thank You for chasing after me,
even though I'm kicking and screaming and running,

and all the while accusing You of abandoning me.

Just thank You, Abba.

laura hackett

Laura Hackett speaks to my soul.

Every word of every song I've ever heard her sing.

It breaks me to pieces.

There's a Gap
Laura Hackett

What do I do here in the waiting?

What do I do with my unsatisfied heart?

What do I do here in the waiting?

Here in the tension of believing again and again

Cause there's a lack

There’s a gap in my soul

Between the things

That I believe and I know

So holy spirit

You who fill all and all

Come and fill me

Holy Spirit, come and hold me together

So I fall into grace again

So I fall into grace again

So I fall into grace again

Like a child I am

Like a child I am