God is on the move

Excerpts from conversations about God:

"But first, Christ has to come. And He is. He's coming fast and He's coming strong and he's winning my heart. Who am I to have God pursuing my heart? I was so so bad to Him this year, and I don't even have lack of knowledge to cover it. I knew. I knew the God I was turning my back on. And I did it anyway. I let it get so so bad. To the point that if I could have been happy without God, I absolutely would have been gone for good. I had forgotten what it feels like to look at God. To be with God. To trust God. To have peace. And joy. The kind that comes with knowing that nothing can take it away. How did I ever forget? And what if I forget again? But I trust Him. This moment, this week, this month...is so big. It's life-changing. It's pivotal. It's beautiful. And it's overwhelming."

"I understand the crying/smiling thing. If I wasn't so tired, I'd probably be dancing around. But it's great, because there are times I consciously make myself focus on Christ. Or times that I see Christ, and focus on Him, but there's always something tugging at my focus. But right now, it's really just God. I'm not even having specific thoughts. I'm just overwhelmed by God and it's good. The only time I ever ever ever want to happy cry is because of God. I think the Spirit makes you cry. And when the Spirit is there, when God is present, there really aren't words. There's just love and praise and so so so much thankfulness."

God is on the move. Which is always true, but He's letting me in on it this time. And it's beautifully overwhelming. I couldn't be more thankful, or humbled.

God=wonderful

Full of wonder.

He finds new and creative ways to show me how much He loves me...

every. single. day.

He shows me new reasons to love the place that I'm at...

every. single. day.

He reassures me that He's got this [my life], and it's gonna be good.

every. single. day.

Just a little props [praise] for the only being who deserves it.

From His little girl whom He adores, though she doesn't deserve it.

I'm a Daddy's girl. Just sayin'.

A group of friends and I just watched Million Dollar Baby. It was horribly sad, but the part that stuck with me wasn't all that significant. The girl, Maggie, has a horrible mother. At one point, Maggie buys her mother a house so that she doesn't have to live in a rundown trailer. And her mom yells something like, "Why did you buy me a house? Now they're going to take my welfare away. Why didn't you just give me the money? Sometimes you just don't think things through." All of us girls immediately scoffed and stated how ungrateful the mother was being.

But honestly, how often are we the "ungrateful mother" to God? He gives us something awesome, but it's not what we want, so we're upset. We take an amazing blessing and call it a curse because it doesn't fit our ideas of a good gift. We're ungrateful, and we pout. We say, "God, this isn't right. You didn't think this through. Why are you growing me right now? Why can't you just give me what I want when I want it?"

It was a parallel that came quickly and was overwhelming, but beautiful.

Hosea

For she said, ‘I will go after my lovers,

who give me my bread and my water,

my wool and my flax, my oil and my drink.’

Therefore I will hedge up her 4 way with thorns,

and I will build a wall against her,

so that she cannot find her paths.

but not overtake them,
She shall pursue her lovers

and she shall seek them

but shall not find them.

Then she shall say,

‘I will go and return to my first husband,

for it was better for me then than now.’
And she did not know
that it was I who gave her
the grain, the wine, and the oil,
and who lavished on her silver and gold"

Hosea 2:5b-7

How beautiful is that?

My Excuses vs. God's Promises

"It's impossible" All things are possible (Luke18:27)

"I'm too tired"
I will give you rest

(Matthew 11:28-30)

"Nobody really loves me"
I love you
(John 13:34)

"I can't go on"
My Grace is sufficient
(II Corinthians 12:9 & Psalm 91:15)

"I can't figure things out"
I will direct your steps

(Proverbs 3: 5-6)

"I can't do it"
You can do all things
(Phillipians 4:13)

"I'm not able"
I am able
(II Corinthians 9:8)

"It's not worth it"
It will be worth it
(Romans 8:28)

"I can't forgive myself"
I forgive you
(I John 1:9 & Romans 8:1)

"I can't manage"
I will supply all your needs
(Phillipians 4:19)

"I'm afraid"
I have not given you a spirit of fear
(II Timothy 1:7)

"I'm always worried and frustrated"
Cast all your cares on me
(I Peter 5:7)

"I don't have enough faith"
I've given everyone a measure of faith
(Romans 12:3)

"I'm not smart enough"
I give you wisdom
(I Corinthians 1:30)

"I feel all alone"
I will never leave you or forsake you
(Hebrews 13:5)

Reading Plan B: What do you do when God doesn't show up the way you thought He would?

So far, it's great. It's hard. It hurts. But it's good.
I bought it this summer after Jared and I had our first break.

And I wish I would have let that run it's course.

It'd hurt a lot less now, and I'd be a in a lot better place.

Reading Ecclesiastes.

Praying. It gets easier everyday.

And the pain gets less and less.

My desires and hopes are more difficult to kill.

I'm not sure I'll ever stop hoping Jared is in my future.

But I'm not sure that's a bad thing.

As long as I'm willing to accept it if he's not.

So let it be.

Matthew 26:42 Again, for the second time, he went away and prayed, “My Father, if this cannot pass unless I drink it, your will be done.”

I only half mean it, but it's a start.

I haven't cried today, and the pain is dull at least.

It's a start.

So let it be.

Broken.

Job with babies.

Annoying friends who love the okay into me.

Conway for the summer.

Slight hope.

Less desire to die.

Afraid to hope, but maybe this will last.

Hey God, you made your point...can you make it hurt as little as possible?

Thanks.