Sunday, September 12, 2010

Boyfriend has joined the blogging world. He's pretty insightful at times, so in my completely biased opinion, he's worth following.

This morning at church I was reminded of how much I need God, and how much I don't focus on that enough. As a congregation, we were praying for God to breathe on us. To make us alive and to be fully HIMSELF inside of us. I've definitely noticed my lack of passion over the last month. I've prayed a lot about learning how to pursue after God in times of blessing, because I am overwhelmingly blessed right now. I have Jared who I can't even begin to thank God enough for. He encourages me and blesses me and loves me constantly, no matter how whiny or
immature I may be. He's the person that, God willing, I know I will have a beautiful life with. And what's even more exciting is that I KNOW without a doubt, that my life with him will be completely focused on God and spent serving His people. To continue with the blessings, I have an amazing family and the best friends anyone could ever ask for. They build me up and tear me down as needed, and no matter what they love me and have my best interests at heart. I have Chi Alpha, which is so ridiculously good I can't even describe it. My involvement with XA in the last year has drawn me so much closer to God and through that, changed my life. I've been slowly transformed to be more like my beautiful Father God, and I still have a lifetime's worth of changing to do. Point being: I am blessed beyond recognition. So how do I need God when God has given me everything I need?

I want to be on fire. Burning, blazing, unquenchable, and most importantly...spreading. I want to be CONSUMED by God...I want to be OBSESSED with God...I want to be considered crazy for God. I want God to be always on my mind. I want everything that I think, say, and do to be for the glory of God. I want to make Him famous (which is something Jared said in his blog today). In my journal on July 22 I wrote:
"They brought the apostles back, but not by force because they were afraid they'd be stoned. They were afraid the believers would stand up and defend them. Why don't we act like that? We're so passive and passionless."
I was talking about John 5. On July 29 I wrote:
"Paul, "without hinderance" told about Jesus day and night for over 30 years. He had no other focus in life. Absolutely no distraction. No family. No home. No job. He went where God told him and said what God told him and trusted what God told him. He was imprisoned for half that time and just kept on with his mission as if he were anywhere else. Beaten, stoned,
mobbed, flogged...every city he went to tried to kill him. No wonder he wanted to go to Heaven, but he knew he still had work to do so he didn't question it or get mad. He fully recognized that this was bigger than him or any other man."

Passion. I pray for consumption. I want God to be so alive inside of me and SO in control of me that I'm not seen at all. I want to be completely united as one with Him. I want to hear His voice, and recognize His nudging. I want to walk down a road simply because God told me to. [John 8:29]

Philippians 3:12 "I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me." I want Jesus to take hold of me. Oh, how I want that. I want to think, breathe, eat, drink, pray, walk, study, talk, fellowship, and live like Jesus.

Breathe on me, Abba. Consume me.