Stubborn

My friend Adrienna is so amazing. She is less than a month into her walk with God and she says things that are so enlightened and so obviously straight from God. I am actually jealous of where she's at. It's a blessing to be even a tiny part of it.

I've been in a place of stubbornness. I know that I need to turn to God. I know that God makes all things better. I know that I am content and complete and joyful when I am focused on God. But I'm stubborn. I am currently missing the joy in life. Everything seems too hard. I am too tired. I lack motivation for anything and I just want to give up. Sink, not swim. Not because I am any less blessed than I was a week ago. Not because God is any less awesome. I'm just stubborn.

I need prayer. That God will show me my purpose...for today, this week, this month, this year. In Your perfect timing, just lead me God. I need God to show me how to surrender. I need Him to show me what surrender looks like. How do I die to myself today? How do I truly let go? Of everything. I pray that God will fill me to the brim with His passions and His desires, and I want to care so so so much for those things that I AM motivated and I enjoy working for His kingdom. I absolutely want to be consumed by God...in every way. It sounds beautiful. But I'm too tired, and I'm stubborn. God, I need you. Rip this life out of my hands, because I know that I can't handle it on my own, but for some reason I just can't let go. Show me all the ways that I grieve You. Show me the things that keep me from loving You like I should. Like I want to. Burn away every single piece of me that isn't pleasing to You. Transform me, Abba, body mind and soul. Make me new. Make me like You. Rid me of myself, dear Abba. I know I don't have to beg, Father. I know that You want these things for me more than I could ever want them for myself. Give me patience and peace God. Help me to just turn and look upon Your beautiful face and just rest. I love you, Abba. Not enough, but I do love You. So just come consume me.